For years, fifteen to be exact, the feeling for me that goes with mommyhood is generally-"I don't fit the mold." and I thought I was all alone, but the more I talk with other moms, I find they don't feel like they fit in either. I'm not sure what 'grade' we aren't making, and by whose 'standards,' but we aren't 'making it.'
I think the reason I haven't been fit in or been accepted is because I've been the mom who has been seen as 'too scheduled- too disciplined' and 'a mom who has it all together, all the time.' I've been called, 'amazing,' and been asked the question, more times than I wish to count, "How do you do it with all those kids?" It may sound like a compliment, but really I'm being told that I'm different. Now on the flip side of all that I have a friend who is opposite in her mommyhood than me and she doesn't fit in either. She gets told, "We all know you're not good at discipline," right to her face!
So, what's the standard? What do we have to do to 'fit in?' Have perfect kids, but not too perfect? Have happy obedient kids, but not too obedient or they look like robots. Kids who can think on their own and be creative, but not too much or they'll be seen as wild and unruly? Out going kids, but not too much because no adult really wants to talk to kids. Smart kids, but not too smart or it'll make the other kids look stupid. I've tried walking the tight rope of mommyhood and have found myself completely stressed out, and overwhelmed. I have tried to 'toe the line,' but have lost friends over it. I've also lost my own sense of direction over it. So, I've rejected societies tight rope and found something so much better.
Mommyhood comes down to this- what is God's plan for your mommyhood? He knows you best. He knows what you can handle and what you can't. He knows your heart. So, is He calling you to be more strict? Is He calling you to be less controlling? Is He calling you to homeschool? Public school? Private School? What is He calling you to? and more importantly, Why is He asking you to do it?
Those questions may seem very scary, but let me tell you that every time I have felt God asking me to do something, whether it was something I wanted to do or something that was out of my comfort zone, it has always been to draw me closer to Him. He wants a deeper relationship with me all the time. He wants me trusting Him, not trusting in the 'plan' or trusting that my friends know what they are doing so I'll just do that. He wants the best for me and my family all the time. He wants me set free from fears, He wants me to grow and change and be all that He created me to be. That is God's heart for each mommy. God made us all different and the work He will do in my heart is going to look different than the work He'll do in your heart. So, the mommyhood life style is going to look very different from others and that's a good thing.
We have to stop trusting what other people are saying is right for our mommyhood and trust God. He knows our children. He knows us. He knows what is best for us.
I had someone tell me recently that I have to stop thinking like a teacher when I homeschool and start thinking 'freedom.' I was told that homeschool isn't what I am making it to be. I stood there and yes, I was a bit shocked that after homeschooling for over ten years and walking with the Lord for over twenty years, I was basically being told I was doing it all wrong, but as she was offering, what she thought was the best advice ever, I realized that she was telling me what God has called her to do. What she failed to realize is that God hasn't called me to that. She was imposing her calling on my calling. And yes, in the past I would have left feeling like a complete failure and hate myself because I wasn't like her, but I am now confident in my walk with God. Confident that God will talk to me, reveal to me what He has for my kids in His timing.
His timing. He is so good and so gentle. I'll be honest, I have a heart that has been and still is filled with so many fears. I'm sure God hasn't wanted for me all the things I've chosen for myself- I've made many decisions based out of fear, but as I have grown with the Lord, I have let the fears go, and have welcomed His will more and more.
The bottom line or what mommyhood comes down to is what is God's plan for you? Search for God's plan. Search for it like you were looking for a treasure chest full of gold, for that is exactly what His plan for your life is - a treasure.
I think the reason I haven't been fit in or been accepted is because I've been the mom who has been seen as 'too scheduled- too disciplined' and 'a mom who has it all together, all the time.' I've been called, 'amazing,' and been asked the question, more times than I wish to count, "How do you do it with all those kids?" It may sound like a compliment, but really I'm being told that I'm different. Now on the flip side of all that I have a friend who is opposite in her mommyhood than me and she doesn't fit in either. She gets told, "We all know you're not good at discipline," right to her face!
So, what's the standard? What do we have to do to 'fit in?' Have perfect kids, but not too perfect? Have happy obedient kids, but not too obedient or they look like robots. Kids who can think on their own and be creative, but not too much or they'll be seen as wild and unruly? Out going kids, but not too much because no adult really wants to talk to kids. Smart kids, but not too smart or it'll make the other kids look stupid. I've tried walking the tight rope of mommyhood and have found myself completely stressed out, and overwhelmed. I have tried to 'toe the line,' but have lost friends over it. I've also lost my own sense of direction over it. So, I've rejected societies tight rope and found something so much better.
Mommyhood comes down to this- what is God's plan for your mommyhood? He knows you best. He knows what you can handle and what you can't. He knows your heart. So, is He calling you to be more strict? Is He calling you to be less controlling? Is He calling you to homeschool? Public school? Private School? What is He calling you to? and more importantly, Why is He asking you to do it?
Those questions may seem very scary, but let me tell you that every time I have felt God asking me to do something, whether it was something I wanted to do or something that was out of my comfort zone, it has always been to draw me closer to Him. He wants a deeper relationship with me all the time. He wants me trusting Him, not trusting in the 'plan' or trusting that my friends know what they are doing so I'll just do that. He wants the best for me and my family all the time. He wants me set free from fears, He wants me to grow and change and be all that He created me to be. That is God's heart for each mommy. God made us all different and the work He will do in my heart is going to look different than the work He'll do in your heart. So, the mommyhood life style is going to look very different from others and that's a good thing.
We have to stop trusting what other people are saying is right for our mommyhood and trust God. He knows our children. He knows us. He knows what is best for us.
I had someone tell me recently that I have to stop thinking like a teacher when I homeschool and start thinking 'freedom.' I was told that homeschool isn't what I am making it to be. I stood there and yes, I was a bit shocked that after homeschooling for over ten years and walking with the Lord for over twenty years, I was basically being told I was doing it all wrong, but as she was offering, what she thought was the best advice ever, I realized that she was telling me what God has called her to do. What she failed to realize is that God hasn't called me to that. She was imposing her calling on my calling. And yes, in the past I would have left feeling like a complete failure and hate myself because I wasn't like her, but I am now confident in my walk with God. Confident that God will talk to me, reveal to me what He has for my kids in His timing.
His timing. He is so good and so gentle. I'll be honest, I have a heart that has been and still is filled with so many fears. I'm sure God hasn't wanted for me all the things I've chosen for myself- I've made many decisions based out of fear, but as I have grown with the Lord, I have let the fears go, and have welcomed His will more and more.
The bottom line or what mommyhood comes down to is what is God's plan for you? Search for God's plan. Search for it like you were looking for a treasure chest full of gold, for that is exactly what His plan for your life is - a treasure.
You said it perfectly, Ellen! God gives us each a unique calling, and the way we raise our kids is no different. The most important thing is that we follow His leading, no matter what anyone around us says.
ReplyDeleteThank you =) God has more for each of us! His plan is a great one!
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